Today was a day spent with the kids. Nothing beats this. We did some typical kicking around town before heading to the orphanage. We went to an outdoor market and bought candy and goodies to pass out to the kids. When we got to the orphanage we went upstairs to the common room on the top floor. It smells like dirty socks up there. It gets worse when you have 20 to 30 kids running around without their shoes on! It didn’t take long to get swarmed with children. There were four or five adults sitting on the floor playing different games like UNO, Old Maid and other games. Around each adult were six, seven or more kids. They LOVE to be played with. This is the best part of the trip next to, of course, the adoption. The kids want to play with your hair, hold your hand, carress your arm or something like that. They just want to be with you because they know you want to be with them. There are, of course, your favorites who track you down wherever you go and sit right by you. They get very defensive when other kids come by and want to play with you. This happened with our younger boy the first few days. I think he feels more secure about us now and is willing to share. It also happens with our older boy. If I decide to hang out with another teenager, he comes out of nowhere and joins in. Teenager are funny! I mentioned in a comment back to my mom that I was able to have my first Mother/Son talk with our older boy today. We had to straighten out a few attitude issues. This is a delicate subject seeing that I am not really his mother yet. I used our interpreter and we had a serious heart to heart about feelings, attitude and respect. It went very well and solved the problem. I felt a lot of added help from the Spirit as I did this. It made a difference and honestly I think it helps that he understands my feelings and position in the family along with his soon to be father’s feelings and position. It also gave him a chance to feel as though he was able to express his feelings in a healthy way.
More good news today… our younger boy is officially separated from his siblings and the final paperwork is being completed for our court date. I haven’t said much about any of this because there were times that were touch and go and I decided to wait until things were settled. We are hoping to have a court date by the end of next week which puts us on schedule as we had hoped. The next critical thing to pass is court. We are a family with eight children and are adopting two more. This is a bit unusual and I am concerned what the judge will say or do. So, please continue to pray for us, we need it.
I really enjoy the comments left on the blog. It is all I have from home and I love to hear from you all through comments and email. It is hard being away from home, family and friends. I feel as though I have to emotionally disconnect sometimes just to avoid how hard it really is. So far time is moving quickly and I hope it keeps moving fast. We love you and miss you! This is a great experience. An experience I will remember forever.
Grandma Marie sends her love and prayer to all four of you and loved reading about your journies.
ReplyDeleteThe mothering starts early! I've been re-reading my posts from our experience two years ago and today was the day I sat down in the orphanage with Alex and went through the pictures on his cell phone, deleting the half naked women and marijuana plants! Hard to believe the son I have now ever had such things!
ReplyDeleteThese Ukraine boys can be tricky. They have a hard time expressing their feelings and/or acting like the care. Often times they've been taught that women are inferior. Good for you in getting this out in the open.
The best advice we got from our orphanage director was this, "You will have to teach him everything! He has no idea how to live in a family." and she was so very right.
Hang in there. I know this is rough. This is the "labor" part of the "birth" of these two boys into your family.
Everyone with more than one or two children were scrutinized in court about "Why in the world would you want more children?" Little do they know that the treasure in Ukraine reside in the walls of their orphanages. One orphanage mother placed her hand over her heart and herald me "Heroic Mother" upon hearing I have four others at home! So you are most defiantly "Heroic" as well! Think of the huge statue in Kiev! That's you, wielding the sword of motherhood, love and family!
Sorry that last part should have said "orphanage worker" not mother!
ReplyDeleteI have to tell you that you are off to a good start. My wife and I were talking about this very thing last night. When we adopted, I wanted to lay out the rules and put a strict regiment of rules together for when Yuliya came home. My 'spareth the rod' approach was how I was going to get things done. However, my wife had other plans, and when we brought her home and for the first several months, no matter how crazy things got, I always let her talk to Yuliya the same way you did with your son: Face to face, heart to heart, with kindness. It worked so well. There were times when I wanted to be a logical man and get upset, but time after time for those first few months while Yuliya was in that learning mode, patience and long-suffering always won out and got the job done.
ReplyDeleteMy point of telling you this is that as Wendy said, you pretty much have to teach these boys EVERYTHING. It's like raising infants, figuratively speaking. If you realize that now, and expect that when you come home, you will be able to talk things out with your boys and teach them through the spirit rather than the rod. I've learned that you never go wrong that way. Mothers really are amazing when it comes to this parenting stuff. I guess that's why they are the reason most of these adoptions happen. :)
God bless!
Hi!!! I'm officially following your blog now - but I've been looking at it everyday, enjoying so much hearing about everything you are doing and going through! I've cried and laughed and enjoyed all the pictures and all the details!!
ReplyDeleteI love you so much and am thinking of you all the time. Our family is praying for you everyday!!
Love, your sis
Hi - I'm writing this with tears in my eyes. You definitely have the Spirit with you, my children. I can feel it as well. What you are doing is wonderful, and I pray every day that the courts will consent to their adoption. Enjoy every minute you have with all of the children, especially those who will not be getting a family. They will have those memories for their lifetime. Love you with all of my heart. Mom
ReplyDeleteWe miss you and pray for you. Today in ward council your blog address was passed out to ward leaders. I hope you will see some additional comments and more prayers in your behalf. We miss you and feel the only thing we can do is pray and try to help your family here. I enjoy your comments even though I have only been reading them today. Andy we miss you but your Varsity scouts are doing well. Let us know what we can do to help!
ReplyDeleteTalk to you later, Garth